When my oldest daughter was three years old she was passed from lap to lap in the parish hall of the church I was serving.
Each Sunday between the early and late morning worship services, an impromptu group of oldsters from mid-seventies to late-eighties would gather at a large round table to drink coffee – sometime twenty strong. They were the edge of a generation that was dying in a campus congregation that was being reborn. My sweet towheaded daughter looked so thoroughly content as I passed through the hall, always on a different lap from the one I’d seen her on only moments before.
Then there was the diocesan church camp where she learned to sing silly and raucous songs, play goofy games, and make intense friendships for a week. After that there was the Church youth group where she could vent anger about the priest who was changing everything (me), learn to box as an exercise in community-building and self-esteem, and eventually learn that her progressive values were always welcomed to be heard in church, which was not always true in her less diverse school.
That little girl is now a young professional about to be married. She and her fiancé have planned their wedding as an act of community (my description not theirs), with the ceremony in a park followed by games, and then later, a dinner reception and dance party in a church.
Whenever an event does not follow a cookie-cutter pattern it requires more work, and there is no preset pattern to ease the work and preparation for this wedding. As a result the wedding is a group effort and the bride and groom have mobilized twenty-five or more family and friends to play different parts. They seem to have access to a small but endless army of friends to perform any needed task, which of course with any wedding, there are legion.
Nothing evokes the community nature of the way this wedding is planned like the photo shoot itinerary following the ceremony. The group photos have names like “The Love Statue” and “Happy Hollow” and “The Big Chair,” all referring to icons of places and events in which each group once shared a sense of community or still do. I can’t help but think back to that parish hall and that group of graying and balding oldsters who had shared their long lives with one another.
Perhaps my daughter would have been the kind of person to cherish and nurture friendships anyway, but I like to think that growing up in church surrounded by the love of unrelated adults and peers alike, left a deep and luxurious mark of community upon her heart and soul. In my heart, as I prepare for the moment I wrap my stole around their hands for the final blessing, I feel deeply grateful to all those people in all those churches for the imprint of their love bestowed upon my daughter.
Best wishes to the bride and groom and to their parents who clearly communicated the most important of church values: need for and love of community. Sounds like a good job done, Cam! Congratulations!
Thank you!
Congratulations Anne, the Groom, Cam, Katie, and the rest of your families. I can’t believe she’s old enough to be married. I remember when she was born. I temember holding her as a baby. God Bless their marriage!
Thank you Jenny! She was born at 10:29 on a Sunday morning and Jim Lemler filled in for me at St. Matthew’s. Like yesterday.
Congratulations to all involved! Love and Blessings!
Thank you!
Best wishes continuing your lifetime of love….
What a nice wish! Thanks.
That was lovely, Cam. I can see them, each one, and they are missed. Am I an “oldster”now?
Ah! I was thinking of you and that you would say that! Remember the Weimer’s and Grace Stein and Dessie? So much sweetness in the world. Thanks.
I remember them vividly. Thank you for bringing them to mind.
My pleasure!
Anne has brought light and beauty to many!!! She helped me find my inner child again and the meaning of unconditional love!! My little flower girl is grown now and about to begin her own journey. She will always be my Annie and I love her now as I did then! Love to you and Katy can’t wait to see everyone in Philly!
So glad you’re coming Bertly!
Oh Cam when I read this I had tears in my eyes. I wholeheartedly believe the two are intertwined having seen the same lovely relationships fostered with our kids and the parishioners. And now for the next phase in your journey. It’ll be a grand day. Our love to all. A and P
Thank you A & P, I know you know what a blessing it is!
Congrats to Anne and her fiance !!!
I know early exposure to that grey churchlady community leaves a mark. I am blessed to still be in relationship with some of my early greys. A few of these women have become my “other mothers”and they continue to influence my life, think Josie Robbins. Whether joy or trama, they are there to dust me off, prop me up and remind me to give thanks & praise to God. They remind me through tears of joy or sorrow that I am never alone but part of a family, the family of God.
Oh yeah, the arms of love! Thanks Kim, I will pass this on to Anne.
We have such vivid memories of the miller family. As with many such memories, they bring both a smile and a tear. Blessings to Anne, her new husband, Abram, Sarah, her mommy and daddy.
Smiles and tears back at you Andy!