This post first appeared in The Finger Lakes Times (NY), in the weekly series, “Denim Spirit.” Here is the link:
Projection is a sneaky cat slipping behind the couch of our consciousness, fully present even though we sit there totally unaware it is behind us. In some ways, the only thing we can do is project our desires, fears, aspirations, and judgements onto other people and in return receive theirs. If it weren’t for moments of intimate self-disclosure and mutual vulnerability, we would be stuck living only in the blue haze of dueling movies projected upon one another and playing on an endless loop.
Take for example, someone we simply do not like. He or she may not have actually done anything to harm us, and we may actually have very little knowledge of what goes on in his or her head and heart, but for any one of a variety of reasons, we are sure we know what makes them tick.
It is more than likely we have attributed to the person the qualities and characteristics we do not like in ourselves, the ones we do battle with every day in the privacy of our own minds. That thing we do not like may or may not actually be manifest in the person we dislike, but we are convinced they have it in spades. We may even vigorously warn other people all about the terrible things we attribute to that person.
The same is true when we idealize a person by putting them on a pedestal. Our aspirations and desires, our hopes and standards of goodness, flow without a thought and collect upon the person to which we attribute so many wonderful characteristics. What we want, like, and hope for are placed upon the other as if their second skin, and then we expect him or her to wear it just as we wish we could do ourselves. In truth, we cannot live up to our own ideals and neither will anyone else.
I know something about the power and prominence of projection first hand, standing in the pulpit and behind the altar as I do. For every person that idealizes the clergy there are at least an equal number that mistrust or judge us critically. In the haze of projection that surrounds each of us in ordained ministry, are the ghostly figures of those who have abused the trust and authority invested in the clerical collar. Also in the haze, move the beloved mentors, guides, counselors, and loving pastors that sat vigil with a loved one who died.
The same angels and demons of past experience are bestowed upon teachers, professors, lawyers, doctors, and every profession. They cloud our vision of the people in our lives, and distort the lens through which we see them. Then, if we are fortunate, we have an awakening.
The gift of intimacy and mutual vulnerability is the meeting of two hearts and minds breaking through the crowded field of ghostly others, and touching for a moment. Even if connecting only for a swift instant, it is enough to distill the light of the constantly running projectors. Then suddenly we see – face-to-face, heart-to-heart, mind-to-mind – the person before us.
Sadly, that cannot happen with public figures.
All we have is the projections they aim our way, amplified or distorted by the sieve of media projections endured on their way to us. In truth, we have absolutely no idea who Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi, or Morning Joe are; all we have are the projections coming at us, and the ones we cast back in return. We would do well to caution ourselves, when we become a fierce partisan for someone we only know from a distance, that in fact, we do not actually know that public figure and limit our allegiance accordingly.
Thank you, Cam! This totally is in line with some of what has been on my mind recently. In fact, just yesterday, I pulled “Inner Gold” by Robert Johnson out of my bookshelf, which is about psychological projection. It’s so interesting. His take on it is that we need other people to “hold onto our gold” like a surrogate. If we do this consciously, we can understand the process and ask for our gold back when we have our legs and are ready to embody the qualities in ourselves. Of course, he’s talking mostly about the light qualities vs. the shadow. I wonder what this exchange would look like with these shadowy qualities. Ram Dass talks about having a “puja table” in this essay about being love. This seems to be a start: https://www.ramdass.org/being-love/
Thanks SZ. Yeah, we all have inner gold and that’s a great concept to allow others to hold it. I think the corollary, with are darker stuff, is that when others accept us fully as we are, it goes a long way toward allowing us to hold our own shit with less judgement and anxiety. When that happens, we do not need to project it on others nearly so much. (Take a lesson D. Trump). Peace my sister.
So true!
We must realize that all we are can never be understood by ourselves, totally, nor by another, but by allowing the space for the grace, grit and glory to be within ourselves and another we can allow for the sense of hallowed ground it deserves. This is what I wanted to express in EMBERS, below;
The years teach all our days ignore,
Could we behold the dusty pall
Of all those gone, were here before.
Still hear the words to us so dear,
Though lost to time, yet not to ear.
Upon this tender road of life,
All enduring paths lead home.
Remembered glow of long-quenched fires,
Even when the house is gone.
We never lose our hungering hearts,
Never cast off outgrown dreams,
Can’t give away one unlived chance.
No man’s life’s quite what it seems.
If we saw what lies beneath,
Mysteries only angels know.
Glimpse beneath each soul’s sheath,
Our words, our steps would gentler go.
Nice. Thank you for sharing it.
Thanks!